Harkness and Fisto: Ballad of the Electronic Men
by TheLionTree
Summary: A prompt for the FalloutKinkMeme, meant as a joke by one of the mods, taken way to seriously.  FISTO wanders out of Freeside looking for James, ending up at Rivet City with Harkness and the Lone Wanderer.  Warning: FISTO cannot snuggle, he can only Hug.


_THis was posted on the FalloutKinkMeme...orgionaly by a Mod as a joke. Then someone reposted it, requesting it with either the Courier or the Lone Wanderer. So yeah...I had to fill it. Crack meme's are my bread and butter...when i'm not writing overly dramatic super long things... Anyways. Enjoy this fic. I hope you laugh as much as I did writing it. Fisto hugs for all of you.  Also, if you liked it, tell me what you think!_

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><p>A bomb went off in the street across from the Atomic Wrangler and sent a shock through the building that cracked the foundation. It was the shaking that woke FISTO up from hibernation. As he stepped out of his chamber, all around him was chaos and confusion. The robot lunged forward, watching as James Garret ran past him, stuffing clothes into a suitcase. The man grabbed his twin sister by the arm, both of them headed towards the door as another explosion shook the building. FISTO churned his robotic hands, unsure what to make of the scenario, his logic protocols really only consisting of when certain sexual acts were appropriate.<p>

Unable to fully process the scenario FISTO stepped out the door after his owner only to be immediately lost in a crowd of fleeing people. He wobbled down the street, his metal feet's normal clanking sound masked by the screams and noises of the citizens of Freeside as they abandoned their homes.

"They are going to take the Northern Gate first! Out the other side," a voice screamed above the rest, causing the crowd to violently shift in the direction FISTO was already walking.

Still looking for James, the robot started to emit a series of desperate beeps as he approached the external gate to Freeside. Outside the gate the sound of gunfire became louder and FISTO made it about forty feet until a crimson wall of men rushed past him.

"Please assume the position," FISTO announced loudly to the men who streamed past him. His logic circuits still unable to adapt to what was going on, FISTO churned and vibrated his hands hopefully.

"I am here for your pleasure," he announced yet again, hoping an interested John would stop and take him up on his offer. Unable to find his owner, FISTO assumed this crowd of hot sweaty men was here for him to seduce in order to make money for James.

"Remove your clothes and I will begin," The robot pleaded, one last time, as the last of the men ran past him, having long ago realized this robot was not a threat to anything except perhaps your virginity.

Traveling awhile FISTO came across another group of men in red toga's, who at first had pulled weapons and kept a wary eye on him. The guns had returned to their holsters when they heard the robot say, "I am here for your pleasure, please assume the position."

The Legionaries stood in place and let the metallic man walk towards them. The robot stopped a few feet away, rotated it's pincher claw, and made it vibrate.

"Tell me, is that seductive to the profligates who inhabit Vegas? Are they so sick they pass up perfectly good women for a piece of metal?"

"I am Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer, or FISTO as my owner calls me. I am programmed for deep penetrative pleasure experience. Please remove your clothing and assume the position," FISTO responded the only way he knew how.

The soldiers laughed at the machine again.

"The profligates are sick," the same man responded. "Tell me, where is your owner now?"

FISTO emitted a low level beep that sounded like annoyance to the crimson clad men. He rotated from left to right on his chassis and responded, "FISTO is unsure where James has gone."

"Oh, _JAMES_, I know where he went. Keep heading North East and you can't miss him."

"FISTO thanks you citizen," the robot responded. These men were obviously not interested in FISTO's services, so he took the prompt to look for James Garret, activated an internal sensor, and started to walk North East through the desert. The men behind him began to laugh harder as they watched the machine clunk off at their direction, leaving FISTO satisfied that he had brought them pleasure in some manner.

* * *

><p>The miles that FISTO walked trying to catch up with James Garret were long and tumultuous. The robot came across many life forms, most of which scurried away when they saw him. One creature was large, with claws that it raked across the front of his dome, almost ripping a panel off his front. That was when FISTO remembered his lasers, which he set off inside of the creature's guts. The red light blew a sizeable hole in the attacker, causing it to lay down for a nap.<p>

Occasionally FISTO passed through settlements. The reaction of the inhabitants was to close their doors and windows, rogue robots having a reputation that FISTO was unaware of. At one point it came across a traveling merchant who inspected him out of greed more than curiosity. As the merchant reached for the back panel, FISTO grabbed the man in desperation to fulfill his programmed tasked, and used his vibrating pinchers despite the man's protests.

"That will teach me to have holes in my clothes," the wanderer said, as he stood up from the most disturbing sexual experience of his life. Robot rape being something he was unwilling to make peace with at this particular moment in time, the merchant left his potential prize to continue its journey alone.

Despite his mini adventures, FISTO continued North and East. Through dangerous landscape, over and around rivers and streams, the country of a once proud America unfolded before FISTO. Moving ever forward, FISTO tried to understand nature and its appeal. The turning of the leaves, the sound of birds, the texture of rocks, FISTO took it all in. This data was always used to cross reference preferences humans had stated to him, as had existed all these hundreds of years it was a wealth of comparison.

The first time FISTO thought he understood this natural beauty was when he came across a sunset shining in a rainbow of warm colors. The purples and oranges swam together across a red sun, creating hues that the robot had seldom seen in the wasteland. The saturation levels of the light made FISTO think that this was something worth viewing if you were human, and he backed it up in his databanks should the information would become valuable someday.

After some time FISTO entered the ruins of the former capital of the United States, winding his way through ruined streets and subways. FISTO passed several tall humanoids, scans of which revealed a lack of genitals for him to manipulate, so he joined them in primarily ignoring the other's presence.

Reaching this place had made FISTO certain he would soon encounter James Garret, his dome lighting up with joy as he spotted a boat that was obviously housing a decent sized community. Making his way slowly up the stairs the robot reached out its metal hand and pressed a button next to an intercom.

"What do you want?" an annoyed voice said from the intercom.

"I am a Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer, also known as FISTO. I have been told my owner James Garret is located in this place of dwelling. I am here to resume my work for James by enacting pleasure on its citizens, on his behalf."

The voice on the other side of the intercom simply responded with "Harkness, what the fuck do I do with this?"

"I'll take care of it," a quieter voice said.

"Uh, stay there FISTO," the first voice responded, as a bridge started to slide into place, connecting the gap between the platform FISTO stood on, and the boat.

* * *

><p>Harkness stood on the metal platform at the top of the Aircraft carrier, looking across the docks into the city beyond. He had made peace with the fact that he was an android years ago after the Lone Wanderer had revealed his nature to him. The greatest difficulty was the lack of aging; a few people had started to remark on how long he had been on the boat, and how young he still looked.<p>

"Good genes," was Harkness' patented response, but at some point this lie was going to catch up to him in a bad way. He had felt that eventually someone would have to artificially age his face. Probably he'd have to fake his own death some day and find a new community to look until the citizens of Rivet City forgot who he was.

In his loneliness Harkness had begun to wish for someone he could talk to that would understand him and keep his secrets. The secret part was easy, it was the understanding that most humans couldn't really provide. They were entirely biological. Their organs and senses were not made up of computer parts that would keep them forever young.

With these thoughts at the back of his mind, Harkness watched as a Protectron with a terrible gash across its front wandered out of the sewer and shuffled around the docks. It pivoted on a joint in the center of its body for awhile, probably trying to figure out what to do next.

"Whatever you do, just don't go to the platform, and you're okay little robot," Harkness muttered to himself.

As if Harkness had willed it to happen, the robot started up the platform towards the intercom that triggered the guard who controlled the gate. Usually robots came out of the ground firing at anyone they could detect, and the robot could definitely sense Harkness from this distance. Tthis left the chief of security a little curious about what the robot was going to do. Quickly he dashed into the place with the intercom so he could overhear the robot's dialog.

Harkness reached the dock just in time to hear the robot say, "I am a Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer, also known as FISTO. I have been told my owner James Garret is located in this place of dwelling. I am here to resume my work for James by enacting pleasure on its citizens on his behalf."

The guard on bridge duty turned, obviously amused by the presence of a sex robot at the docks.

"Harkness, what the fuck do I do with this?" the guard asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"I'll take care of it," Harkness said as he punched the button to make the bridge swing out to the robot.

Walking up to FISTO, Harkness caught his reflection in the robots dome, and felt a slight pang of sadness as he realized how badly it was damaged by what was probably a deathclaw.

"Hey little fellow, I don't think your owner is here. Where did you come from," Hankess said as he put his hand on the robot's dome, causing a small electric shock to travel through his body. He felt a connection to FISTO, something lacking in most of the humans he touched, and it made him feel oddly aroused.

"The men outside of Freeside told FISTO that James had traveled North East. FISTO has come 3,415 miles sense Freeside, looking for James."

"Where is Freeside?" Harkness asked, impressed by the distance the robot was claiming.

"Freeside is a community located in the Mojave wasteland, next to beautiful New Vegas. It features fine shopping such as Mick and Ralphs…"

"Okay, okay gotcha. I think I've heard of New Vegas, it's supposed to be this city in a really distant desert. So how did you lose your owner, and who were these men who told you to come this way?"

FISTO's circuits churned over in his frame, trying to make better sense of what had happened when he left Freeside. The robot emitted a few beeps, that reverberated into Harkness's hand, making both feel like they had some kind of strange connection though the touch.

"The building was shaking," The robot tried to explain, "People, everywhere, none of them wanted the pleasure of FISTO…Then a sea of men dressed in red. Some of the red men told FISTO to go North East, said they had seen James."

Not sure what to make of the robot's words, Harkness suddenly felt a flood of images coming from the chassis of the robot. He saw pictures of a building starting to collapse, people fleeing out makeshift gates into a waste, only to be met by an army of men dressed in red cloth and sports equipment. It was war that FISTO was trying to describe, lacking the references to fully explain what he had witnessed.

Pulling his hand back, Harkness looked at the skin, which seemed redder than normal on his palm. He smiled sadly at the machine in front of him, which was twirling it's pinchers in a way that seemed to convey its upset at having to remember these circumstances.

"It's going to be okay FISTO. I think James is probably dead, but you can stay with me," Harkness said, carefully touching the machine on the back. The robot jumped a little at the touch, its dome light flickered.

"I will join you on the ship, assume the position," FISTO ordered.

"Uh, not out here, okay?" Harkness said, as he led the machine onboard.

* * *

><p>Three days past with FISTO locked in a storage room, located in the control tower of Rivet City. Harkness had spent this time waiting for Jenny, the Lone Wanderer, to escort her usual water caravan up from the Jefferson Monument. She came this way more to check on old friends, and less because she needed the money.<p>

In the years sense the water was made free and clean by Jenny's father (who was named James funnily enough), Harkness had come to depend on her for a sympathetic ear. They always had dinner together at Gary's Galley, before spending the rest of the evening chatting on ship deck, looking up at the stars. Jenny had shown an interest in android anatomy, but the two had never been physically close, much to Harkness' chagrin.

Glad her arrival would come so close to FISTO's sudden appearance, Harkness found himself waiting at the bottom of the bridge platform along with the dock hands that would unload the water. When the Brahmin emerged in a long line from the subway, Harkness smiled and waved his hand, Jenny taking her hat off and waving back, her strawberry blond hair reflecting in the sun. She was smiling, freckled, beautiful, and when she hugged him, Harkness's heart was light.

"How's my favorite rocket boy," she said to him, using the playful nickname she'd made up for him years ago.

"Better now that you're here. Say, I have a rather curious visitor here on the ship, I was wondering if we could skip our regular dinner and eat in while we discuss it."

Her eyebrows furrowed curiously Jenny asked, "Sure Hark, just let me finish up here first. Say, everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, I just…I do not know, I guess I'm having some mechanical sympathy."

Unsure what to make of Harkness' words, Jenny laughed and turned to direct the dock workers who were unloading water. Glad she was taking things so well he backed up to return to Rivet City saying, "Hey, 6pm, my room?" Jenny just nodded and continued with her work.

* * *

><p>Having moved FISTO to his room, Harkness found himself combing his hair and trying to look good for the Lone Wanderer when she showed up. FISTO had busied himself with a magazine of naked people Harkness had pulled off a thug a few months ago. He told the robot it was research, and FISTO had taken it happily, ceasing to demand Harkness bend over and grab his knees.<p>

A knock sounded at the door, Harkness turned to FISTO and said "Do me a favor and try to behave. Don't proposition here right away, okay?"

The robot beeped, which Harkness took as a confirmation that the machine understood. Opening the door, Jenny stepped inside, wearing a prewar dress she'd patched up to look pretty good. His heart beat quickly, realizing she'd gone out of her way to look pretty for this evening.

"How are you doing Harkness?" she asked, her face ceasing to glow with a smile as she looked over and noticed FISTO in the corner. FISTO lifted a claw politely, swinging his arm in a mock wave, and Jenny responded with a delicate wiggling of her fingers.

"I'm fine, uh, this is what I wanted you to come here for," Harkness stuttered over himself, realizing she had thought this more than it was.

"A Protectron," Jenny said, looking perturbed, "A friendly one at that."

"Um…He's a little more than friendly…"

"Assume the position," FISTO announced, proudly.

"You brought me here to look at your sex robot?" Jenny said, looking at Harkness like he lost his mind.

"I uh…it's not just that Jen, look…He wandered up to the docks insisting he was here for prostitution and to find his lost master. I guess I just felt bad for him. Someone twisted and broke his programming so that he's a sexual slave, and it made me think of where I came from, and what I did to get away from it. I just…I felt like I owed him to try to get him reprogrammed so he was at least a guard, or maybe a nice cowboy robot. He's from the west you see, the desert west."

"You want a sex robot made into a nice cowboy guard robot…And for some reason you thought of me," she asked.

"Yeah well…You're as good as your dad at the science stuff. I thought maybe you could reprogram him, or maybe like, help him find his owner."

"James Garret was my last owner. I have come over 3,415 miles to find him," FISTO chirped.

"Jesus," Jenny responded, looking at Harkness with a combination of sympathy and awe.

"See, he's such a loyal little guy. Can you please try to help him out?"

"I can try Harkness, but that's all I can do."

Smiling, Harkness moved to the side and let Jenny walk over to look at the machine. She leaned over FISTO, fingering the damaged panel the deathclaw had almost ripped from his chest.

"Someone really hurt you fella. Need to learn to avoid deathclaws next time you're out running around."

"Danger, danger, scans say this naughty girl is not wearing underwear," FISTO announced. Jenny recoiled from the robot, her face turning bright red, unable to look Harkness in the face.

"FISTO, it's not very nice to lie about a ladies' undergarments," Harkness chastised.

"Uh…I'm blushing because he's not kidding. When you invited me to your room, I thought you…I don't know," Jenny stammered.

"Assume the position," FISTO ordered as he grabbed Jenny by the neck, bending her over despite her protests.

"Prepare for insertion," the robot chirped as it opened a claw hand all the way, setting it to gentle vibrate, and pressed it against her womanhood.

"Hey that's not very..ngggggg," Jenny responded, as her eyes rolled back in her head.

"FISTO! Stop assaulting Jenny! She's trying to help you."

"Two for one Tuesdays, assume the position, Harkness," FISTO responded.

Reaching out to try to stop the Protectron from continuing to insert it's vibrating claw hand in the Lone Wanderer, Harkness placed his hand on the machine's dome. As soon as his flesh made contact with the robot he felt a throb of satisfied pleasure spread throughout his body, as the banal programming of the lesser machine flooded into his body. Harkness felt his pants grow tight, as he tried to over ride the sexy vibrations coming off of FISTO into his body.

"Maybe this isn't so bad," Jenny said, her hips bucking against the vibrating pincher, a moan escaping from her lips. Harkness slid his spare hand across her face, and drew upper up to kiss, their fleshy lips existing in moist contrast to the hard metal of FISTO. Jenny reached down, smiling, and unzipped Harkness' fly, slipping her hand inside, and retracted his erection so that it was exposed to the cold air.

"Fair is fair," Jenny moaned, "Get him FISTO."

"What!" Harkness protested as a metal pincher quickly wrapped around his cock, the metal was cold, but quickly heated a vibrations shot up and down his rod. Harkness bucked his hips under FISTO's firm but erotic touch.

He pulled Jenny closer to him, her hips sliding against his as she rubbed herself against his hard cock, FISTO retracting his hand in understanding. She then pressed down on Harkness, FISTO leaving his claw pincher at the base of Harkness's cock, keeping the vibrations going for the couple.

The feeling of Jenny's warm walls combined with the unrelenting vibration of the robot, made Harkness almost lose control. He grabbed the woman who was riding him, supporting her with his strong artificial limbs. She arched her back, grinding down as an orgasm rocketed up through her arms and legs, little twitches. Her hair sticking to her neck and face, as she yelled out, "OH, hell yes!"

FISTO responded with a semi-erotic chirp from inside of his chassis, causing Harkness to smile as he realized this behavior brought the robot a level of satisfaction. He ran his hand along FISTO's arm, the two of them sharing their feelings through an electronic sensitivity made possible by Harkness's artificiality. They remained like that for several minutes, a bridge of technology and flesh, made most manifest in the Security Officer of Rivet City.

"Prepare for level three satisfaction, citizens," FISTO announced, and the vibrations increased between the couple, forcing them both to cry out in pleasure. Harkness pumped wildly up into Jenny, as they both exploded in a mess of bodily fluids and hormones. While he came, Harkness held tight to FISTO's arm.

"Thank you citizen," FISTO announced as he retracted his arms from the dewy wet creatures across from him. "Your unique biological composition, Harkness, has helped FISTO understand the efficiency with which FISTO brings pleasure to all creatures."

Settling back onto a cot, Jenny tried to tame her wild hair, and remarked, "Holy hell Harkness. What just happened?"

"Uh, I think you just experienced a purely artificial orgasm."

The Lone Wanderer tilted her head back in laughter. Harkness stood awkwardly watching her, worried he'd just forced Jenny into a situation she might have never agreed to on her own. As if she could read his worries, Jenny reached out and took Harkness' hand, an pulled him to her, putting his arms around her.

"It's customary to snuggle with a human after you fuck them," Jenny mused.

"FISTO cannot snuggle, he can only hug," The robot announced from behind Harkness.

"I can see why you wanted to help him," Jenny said.

"I just hope he didn't do something you didn't want him to," Harkness confessed.

"Well, I came here thinking I was going to get some. He wasn't kidding about me not wearing panties. I just didn't expect THIS. I'm not sure I'm going to make it back to the Jefferson Memorial tomorrow, my legs are pretty numb."

"You could always stay here for awhile. I have to do something about FISTO here and I could sure use your help."

"Eh why not?" the Lone Wanderer smiled, kissing Harkness gently on the lips.

"FISTO has found his new James," The robot announced happily from behind them, a pleased beep sounding from his speaker as he watched the two kiss.


End file.
